It hurts loving you like this
by Evermore Night
Summary: Told from Emily's point of view. She has feelings for JJ, she doesn't know if JJ has the same feelings. Also Emily ends up coming out as gay to the team in this. Warning this is a slow burn,. This is a future JJ/Emily femslash.
1. Chapter 1

Ever since Emily had laid eyes on the blonde liaison, JJ, she was drawn to her. She couldn't quite explain it, it was like a school girl crush. Emily knew that she had to get rid of these feelings, whatever they were. For the sake of the team, and well her heart, she couldn't fall for a straight girl not again. She knew it would never end well.

Emily got up from her desk where she had just spent the past hour doing wretched paperwork over their past few cases. She walked to the coffee machine where she was greeted by Morgan.

"Tough morning?" He asked noticing her weary facial expression.

"Just getting through the paperwork from the past few cases." She said with a sigh, pouring herself a cup of coffee.

"Paperwork that is always a killer." Emily didn't get a chance to say anything in reply to him, as JJ had just walked up. Emily could feel the familiar butterflies form in the pit of her stomach, which always seemed to happen whenever the blonde was around. Her gaze drifted from the blondes beautiful blue eyes to her lips, studying the way they curved. She could already picture JJ's smile, it was magnificent. God how much she just wanted to press her lips against the blondes, to taste their beautiful flavor, to run her fingers through JJ's blonde hair.

"Emily are you okay?" JJ asked her expression had become one of concern.

"Huh, yeah I'm fine, sorry just got lost in my thoughts for a moment." Emily offered a slight smile, as if to express everything was fine. "What's up?"

Damn Emily thought, JJ had caught her starring, she really needed to get these feelings under control. But the blonde just made it so hard, with every laugh, with every smile, even with just the way she moved. God she was just so perfect. Emily glanced over at Morgan, guessing at his expression he was studying the situation.

None of the team knew that she was gay, and she actually preferred to keep it that way. She didn't want them to think of her any differently. Anyways on this job just being a woman made it difficult but being gay on top of that…

"Hotch is getting the team together to discuss a new case." JJ responded, before walking away to the conference room.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

An hour later the team was on the private jet heading to Austin Texas. There had been a string of abductions, all woman between the ages of mid-twenties and late thirties. Well out of the victims there had been a twenty-five year old, Clarissa Hamilton. A thirty-two year old, Kaira Clayton, and a thirty-six year old, Mary Washburn. They all happened to be white, but that didn't narrow down the profile much of why they were being abducted and murdered. They didn't even have the same hair color, body types or social group. The latest abduction had been twenty-eight year old Lauren Paris, she however had not turned up dead yet. The unsub seemed to keep them alive for at least three days, it was hard to tell due to when the bodies were found.

Emily walked down the aisle, her hand brushed up against JJ's, she could feel her skin tingle. She hid her surprise and to stop a slight gasp with a smile, glancing down at the floor.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

"So what happened earlier? It seemed like you were trying to send a telepathic message to JJ or something." Morgan stated, he had taken the seat across from her.

She sighed, "Look nothing happened, alright. I was just thinking okay. That's all." Her tone had become slightly defensive.

Emily could tell from Morgan's expression he didn't want to just drop the subject, that he could tell something was up. She stood up and walked to the bathroom before he had a chance to ask her anything else.

Once in the bathroom she locked the door, she then turned on the water, splashing her face. She liked the feel of the ice cold water against her skin, it seemed to calm down her racing heart. Glancing in the mirror she studied her facial expression. It felt as though her ability to compartmentalize seemed to be breaking apart. She really needed to get control of herself, before it started to show in her work.

"Stop this" she muttered to herself before leaving the bathroom. She then glanced at Morgan and decided to take her chance with sitting in the seat across the aisle from where Reid and Rossi were playing a game of chess. It looked like Rossi had the upper hand, although she was hoping the boy genius would pull through and win this. Emily then tucked her legs under her watching the chess match, which led to falling asleep for the rest of the flight.


	2. Chapter 2

Emily looked over the case files spread out in front of her. They had just come back from talking to the victim's friends. There had only been one connection tying all of the woman together. They had all gone to the same bar the night of their kidnapping.

Emily looked up to see JJ giving her an odd look. She noticed as JJ quickly glanced away before saying; "Hotch wants you and Morgan to check out the bar." JJ walked away before Emily could say a word.

A frown nagged to form as she let out a sad sigh. She quickly pulled herself together before going to meet Morgan. Emily forced out a smile as she approached Morgan, "Hey ready to go?"

He nodded, before he turned to walk out to the car, she caught a glimpse of almost curiosity and concern on his face.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

She opened the car door and got out, the car ride had been dead silent neither of them daring to say a word. Emily could guess from her reaction on the plane, Morgan didn't want to get the same reaction. And well she didn't want to give away anything that could lead him the wrong or right conclusion.

The bartender looked up as they walked inside, it must be a peculiar thing to go to a bar this early, there was only one other lone person sitting in the back of the bar. He looked like he had just lost his job, or a marriage with the grim look and the few empty beer bottles.

"Have you seen any of these girls here? " Morgan asked, showing her the pictures of the three victims.

"Yeah, although I haven't seen Clarissa and Kiara here for a while, which is strange because they were both Friday night regulars. Although that other girl, she was here three days ago." She shrugged, "Why are you asking?"

"This was the last place they were before they were abducted. Is there anyone you might suspect would be capable of doing that?" Emily cut in before Morgan had a chance to say anything.

"Well there is one… He is the other bartender here… Elis John, there is just something off about him. Like one moment he will be perfectly fine and the next he seems to be angry enough to hurt someone."

Morgan had already walked away to call Garcia to get Elis John's address.

"The name is Ashley by the way" the bartender said.

"Emily" she offered a smile. It was kind of funny how Ashley sort of looked like JJ, her blonde hair was about a shade darker. Instead of beautiful blue eyes she had steely gray ones, they both however looked to be the same age. Her gaze then drifted down to the rest of the woman's frame.

Ashley seemed to notice and smirked playfully. She then got out a pen taking Emily's hand, she then proceeded to write down her number. "Why don't you call me if you need anything else." She said with a wink.

Emily turned to glance at Morgan, he had just ended the call with Garcia. "I should go…" she looked over, but Ashley was already gone, she grinned and headed out with Morgan.

"What was that about?" he asked, with a grin.

"Nothing… nothing at all."

"Really, 'cause by the looks of it you may have just got asked out." He glanced down seeing the number on the back of her hand. "I think you should call her." He said getting into the car.

Emily got in also, it was silent for over a minute. "You know…" She didn't even finish before Morgan cut in.

"Of course I know you're gay. Emily you work with profilers for heaven's sakes. Also every time a guy hits on you you would instantly shrug it off. I was though wondering when you would come out. You know Emily all of us would accept you no matter what."

Emily smiled and nodded, "Thanks Morgan" she said softly.


	3. Chapter 3

They had received the information that a body had been discovered. They had still yet to ID the body but Hotch seemed pretty sure that it was their victim.

Emily stepped out of the bathroom and was about to step around the corner when she heard voices.

"Morgan what do you know about the new secretary, Maria?" JJ's voice seemed to carry. Emily couldn't help but feel shocked, could this mean… No she was getting carried away, JJ had never actually stated that she well liked woman.

"I don't really know much, why do you ask?" Morgan asked.

"Well I was thinking of asking her out and I sort of wanted to know what she would be interested in. Because boring first dates are awful." JJ explained.

Emily glanced around the corner to see Morgan. He seemed to almost shift in nervousness or anticipation. She couldn't decide which it was.

"Go with a not to romantic restaurant but not to low key. An overly romantic place puts too much pressure on the both of you, and too little of a romantic place brings up questions on whether or not it's a date."

Emily couldn't help but feel a flutter of happiness in her chest form. It had sunk in, JJ was possibly gay or at the very least bisexual. She felt hopeful about her chances for the first time in a long time. But then something else clicked JJ wasn't interested in her, she was interested in a woman named Maria.

Emily noticed that they had stopped talking, she looked around the corner and JJ and Morgan were gone.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Morgan and Emily were on their way to the unsub Elis John's house. He had apparently inherited the piece of land and house from his deceased parents. They had supposedly died in an accidental car crash, but Emily didn't believe a word of it. The other driver had never been found or identified.

Emily couldn't help but find her thoughts going back to JJ's and Morgan's conversation. Maybe she should just ask JJ out, but what if she had analyzed the entire situation wrong. What if JJ didn't even think of her like that, maybe JJ just wanted a friendship… Emily almost didn't want to know how JJ felt about her, she didn't want to get hurt like that. But yet she still found herself wondering.

"Are you doing okay?" Morgan asked glancing at her concerned. "You seem distant."

"I'm just thinking." It was true but she wasn't going to tell him her main thought process had been of JJ… After all it was just a crush, it will go away sometime, hopefully. "I don't think that the car accident was an accident…"

"It is hard to believe, but it isn't our place to solve that case, according to the report there isn't even a case to solve." Emily just responded with a small nod and a sigh.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

They entered the house, they had gotten a warrant to search the premises surprisingly, and on a different note what didn't surprise her was that Elis John wasn't home. The place was a wreck, empty carry out and pizza boxes littered the floor. Along with cigarette butts, beer cans, and broken beer bottles. "It's like stepping into a college boy's dorm room…" Emily remarked.

"Hey I was never this messy!" Morgan retorted defensively.

"Sure you weren't…" Her voice was laced with sarcasm as she smirked. She did quite enjoy teasing Morgan, watching him get all wound up.

Emily turned into one of the rooms, she noticed a curtain covering the wall, and she pulled it aside gasping in surprise. "Morgan you're going to want to see this…"


	4. Chapter 4

On the wall were photos and newspaper clippings from the kidnappings and murders. She glanced at Morgan, who seemed to be lost in some thought process as he stared at the wall. There were photos of the victims moments before they were abducted at the bar, to their dump sites. Just with each picture it could be told that the time in between the abduction and murder were getting more violent. Even the murders themselves were blood baths so to speak.

Emily watched as Morgan pulled out his phone and started to take pictures of the wall. He was probably going to send them to Hotch.

It always struck her as odd how unsubs tended to take pictures of their victims, of their crimes, she understood why. They would look at the photos and relive the moment. It is almost the same as when people take pictures of certain events to remember what happened. Emily knew that is she killed anyone she wouldn't want to remember, much less relive it.

"Hotch said not to touch anything and to head back" that was all Morgan said before leaving the room.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

As they walked into the conference room they were met by grim faces. "The body was identified, it is Lauren Paris." Hotch turned to look directly at Morgan and Emily. "That's not the news however. There was a second kill pattern on the body. There was the original unsubs who has been identified as Elis John. His kill style is motivated by blunt anger. Then there is a more hesitant, less deep wound done by someone who is left handed." Hotch shifted his gaze elsewhere.

"The hesitation suggests that this was the partner's first kill. Also the less deep wound could suggest he is weaker or it could be his inexperience getting in the way." Reid cut in.

"Excuse me but you said he, how do you know that?" Emily's gaze drifted to the back of the where the officer who had spoken was standing.

"Woman tend to kill in a cleaned manner, preferring drugs and poisons. Anything that doesn't leave a mess for someone to clean up. But these two killers don't seem to care about the mess they leave behind. Leading us to identify them as male unsubs. Also it is unusual for a male female partnership." Reid explained.

Emily never ceased to be amazed by him, he was like google wrapped up into a human. He could just spout out any pieces of information he wanted. Although it did tend to get annoying at times.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Emily found herself pouring over the case files, according to the MO the unsubs would strike again for their next victim soon. This brought into question of how to catch them before any harm is done. This was also relying on the fact that Elis John never discovered that they had been to his home.

She glanced at the number on her hand, it had faded away a bit, but it was still readable. With that she pulled out her phone and dialed the number.

"Hello?" Ashley's voice rang out.

"Hello, um this is Agent Prentiss… Emily. I know this wasn't what you wanted me to call for. I would like to inform you that we haven't taken Elis John into custody."

"What! Why not?" Emily could almost sworn she could hear fear in the girl's voice.

She knew she shouldn't say this but she found herself compelled to do so. "He is working with someone but we don't know who they are. I'm sorry."

"Are you going to get him?"

"Yes, but we need him to find his partner. " She glanced around the room to see JJ standing there talking to Hotch "I should go." She vaguely heard Ashley say bye before she ended the call. She closed the case files, before standing up to join Hotch and JJ. She ignored the familiar butterflies that seemed to get more intense as she approached.

"What is going on?" She asked drifting her gaze from JJ to Hotch.

"Well we are going to do an undercover operation. One of the detectives here are going to pose as a possible victim… Morgan, Reid, and myself will be close by to monitor the situation, and interfere if need be. I would like you and JJ to be in one of the vans. So you can monitor the wire, along with the cameras in the bar." Hotch stated, going over the plan.

She couldn't get it out of her head, she was going to be in a van with JJ alone. In a small enclosed space, just the two of them. Anything could happen… or maybe that was the irrational part of her coming out. She could feel the butterflies get worse, as her hands tingled slightly.


	5. Chapter 5

Once in the van she took a seat next to JJ. "Got you coffee." She said passing over the cup.

"Thanks."

After an awkward silence JJ spoke up, "So what's been going on? You've been distant lately."

Emily starred at the blonde for a moment. She was surprised that JJ had noticed her pulling away. "Um… I've been helping Morgan through some stuff." She lied.

"Look Em I can tell you aren't being honest about something. I know you, and you may think you don't want to talk about it, but you do."

Emily couldn't help but look away. It was tearing her up inside keeping her crush a secret from JJ. She wanted more than anything to tell her how she felt.

"Please Em, let me in." JJ said softly a twinge of sadness or hurt was also there.

"I'm sorry, but I don't want to talk about it I… I can't talk about it, not right now." Emily looked over at JJ. She feared that she had hurt the younger woman's feelings. "I'll tell you sometime, don't worry."

JJ nodded, "I understand. I'm here for you no matter what." JJ reached over and grasped Emily's hand in her own.

Emily could feel a tingling under her skin, but she didn't pull away. It seemed like seconds but it turned out to have been a minute or so. Emily didn't want to look away from the blonde or pull away her hand. It just felt so right.

Emily hid her disappointment as JJ pulled her hand away and turned her gaze to the monitor. Emily followed her gaze.

Other than the undercover agent chatting up Elis John. She noticed Ashley, the girl seemed to be keeping her distance from him. She must have scared the girl or the knowledge that Elis John was killer scared her.

"So how is Henry doing?" The boy was almost one now.

"He's been good although I think he would like the team to visit more often." JJ said with a smile.

"Have you told Will about him?" Curiosity had gotten the better of her, she wouldn't have asked it if she had thought it through.

"No" there was a coldness in JJ's voice she hardly ever heard. "I won't tell him, I don't want him to come running back. To burden him…"

As much as it pained her to say this, she had to. "But what if he wants to know? If he cares for you and wants to try again?"

"It would just confuse Henry. I don't feel that way about him. I don't want to try it again. Nothing about that felt right."

Emily nodded she didn't know what to say. She bit her lip before saying; "After this case we should go out for drinks. Back at the BAU so Garcia can join us to. It could be girl's night or something." She didn't want to press JJ to continue to talk about Will. Although Emily was fairly happy to know that JJ had no feelings for him.

"Yeah that would be great, we could have Reid watch Henry." Emily smiled, then glanced back at the screen to notice Elis John was heading towards the door. When he left a younger man left with Ashley. She instantly called Hotch, "He's heading out his partner has the bartender Ashley."

Hotch never replied. JJ and her watched through the parking lot camera as they arrested Elis John and his partner.

"We should head back to the BAU, they will want us to question them. And take Ashley's statement." Emily glanced over in time to see JJ nod.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

"How are you feeling?" Emily asked Ashley. They had just finished getting her statement.

"Overwhelmed, I guess it's like none of this is real."

"I'm sorry he went after you…"

Ashley nodded, "I just want to forget any of this happened" she glanced around "I should go."

"Of course." Emily responded. She watched as she left not noticing JJ come up behind her. Emily turned, and looked at her surprised, caught off guard. "When did you get here?"

"Just now, Hotch is having us leave first thing in the morning."


	6. Chapter 6

The phone vibrated on the table where Emily had set it. She clicked the screen on, looking at the text: Almost there, left a few minutes ago.

"Hey Garcia, JJ said she was almost here."

"Good, because there is only so much time left in the night to party!" Garcia said heading to the bar to get them drinks.

Emily set her phone back down, looking around. It was Friday night, so naturally everyone seemed to be here. That didn't bother her, she enjoyed the energy in the room.

"Hey maybe we could get you to go home with a guy for once!" Garcia placed her drink in front of her. Emily didn't even try to correct Garcia. She was actually surprised that Morgan hadn't told her she wasn't into men. Oh well tonight wasn't about that, it was girls night for heaven's sakes.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Emily was about a third of the way through her drink when JJ arrived.

"JJ you're here at last!" Garcia nearly shouted giving JJ a hug. "How's the little guy doing?"

"Henry is fine, when I left Reid was telling him weird facts I couldn't even begin to think of without my brain hurting." She chuckle, took a seat next to Emily. "So what's first tonight?"

"Well we have to get you a drink." Garcia stated already heading towards the bar.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

"Oh come on truth or dare?" JJ asked.

"Fine, truth." She could somehow guess she would somehow come to regret that answer.

"Would you go out with anyone at the BAU?"

"Yes" maybe because it was her fourth drink, or that they were her friends she said that.

"Who?!" Garcia grinned, she seemed barely able to retain her excitement.

"No fair! I already answered the question. You never asked who it was just if I would date anyone." Even though her judgment was clouded it wasn't that clouded.

"Aw… Fine, well I chose dare." Garcia gave Emily a pouty face. Emily could guess that when it was Garcia's turn to ask her truth or dare she would try to get her to give it up.

"Alright I dare you to get his number." Emily gestured towards a tall, dark haired guy at the bar.

With that Emily and JJ watched as Garcia procured his number. She was somewhat curious to what Garcia was telling him.

"Got it! I'm glad there's nothing against calling him. He didn't seem that bad." Garcia took a seat. "Okay JJ, truth or dare?"

"Truth"

Garcia thought for a moment "Have you ever been with a woman?"

"Yeah, I have. Honestly most of the time they are better than men." JJ laughed.

Emily definitely did not disagree there, women tended to be loads more sensitive. Of course they weren't without their faults either.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~

It was about an hour later, Emily found herself being led to the dance floor by and ever so happy JJ.

God could that woman look or be any more perfect. Emily couldn't help but to grin as they found a placed amid all of the others who had the bright idea to dance.

It was like she was floating, like she was there but wasn't. She could feel her heartbeat race as she was only inches away from the blonde. Emily couldn't help it anymore, she leaned in and kissed her. To her surprise JJ returned the kiss, with that she pulled the blonde closer to her. It was like they couldn't get enough of each other. Kissing her was better than anything she could have ever imagined. It was like tasting the stars, and she couldn't get enough of it.

In the background she could hear someone whistle. She gently pulled away from the kiss, glancing around noticing they were directly in the center of the dance floor. It seemed like everyone's attention was turned towards them. Oddly though Emily didn't care, she had finally kissed the woman of her dreams. The mystery that had eluded her, seemed attainable. She honestly couldn't be anymore happy.

"Wow" JJ remarked, grinning. "I could deal with more of that."

Emily laughed, "God I wanted to do that for so long now. You're amazing you know that right?"


End file.
